Well the grass is mowed at my place, we’re stocked up on culinary cliches, we have cold beer (good, because it’s HOT) and the right kind of DVDs (i.e. the direct inverse of the scary plastic christmas cheer that Television insists we must want), I’m armed with damien rice and jeanette winterson thanks to a surprise parcel from one of my greatest and oldest friends, and best of all I don’t have to drive anywhere in the scorching heat without airconditioning. So it could be worse. But Christian, you’ve put something in more than a few people’s eggnog, dude.

If your festive season is likely to be non-crap, well, good on you, and I’d advise you to consider cloning your loved ones as soon as possible for the greater good of humanity.

And with my last ounce of conviviality, may I say, if you can, hug everyone you meet until they let go, and drive everyone crazy with your relentlessly positive and imaginative monologues about the beauty of this world and the even greater beauty of the one you’re busy making.