This find at UFO Breakfast Recipients has had me splurting coffee, snorting, and generally falling off my chair with laughter all day.

Advisor haiku

I read your comments
The red ink was a nice touch
You can just bite me

I have no money
You have a lot of money
You can just bite me

I just read your book
Five hundred and ten pages
Boy can you bite me

I hasten to add that in my opinion, my supervisor is both good at being a supervisor and very nice, and furthermore does not use red pen. Not that I have any money, mind you.

But wait, there’s more…

Herbert A. Millington

Chair – Search Committee

412A Clarkson Hall

Whitson University

College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Turbulent P. Velvet

I can only hope that if academic life ever seems that grim to me, I can be at least that funny about it.

Found via invisible adjunct.